How to share compassion if someone seeking you for help
Compassion. A heavy word for those who don’t have clarity on what it is.
Whenever a friend is in pain, he or she tends to seek help to release their sorrow. To feel similar. To feel okay.
But, how do we help them? By giving advice?!
Well, that’s not the best way. And neither a countable one.
In my opinion, compassion means feeling others' pain and viewing the situation from their perspectives without getting affected.
It’s not that your close person is begging you for help. They certainly are not. And neither they will do this the next time if you’re unable to show compassion.
So, let’s understand this with three useful tips on how to show compassion in the difficult time of your companion.
What is Compassion and Why is it important?
This is a complex word we often use with love. And love is itself complicated if we see it from the perspective of possession and addiction.
However, both are interrelated and can be grasped easily.
I got the clarity from the book “the gifts of imperfection” — a book by Brene Brown.
This is not just a book, it’s manual for all relationships.
According to her, “Courage, Compassion, and Connection are three gifts of imperfection.” And it’s totally okay to be imperfect.
In fact, no one is perfect in this world. Still, people strive for perfection and all they get is a disappointment.
Well, that’s not our topic today. We were discussing compassion. The second gift.
She states, “Compassion is not the relationship between the healer and wounded. It’s a relationship between equals… Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
Yes, it’s a bit complex to understand until you put it into practice.
Well, why practicing compassion is important?
The answer is simple. To connect with others deeply.
If you can show compassion to your friends and family, you can make a connection. And you can share vibes in between no matter how worse the situation is.
But, How could you practice compassion with others when you don’t know how to do that?
That’s our next point!
How to show compassion to your close persons?
Well, I can give you a whole bunch of advice on this. But, the main point is you can’t shower something on someone when you don’t have it.
What does that mean?
If you don’t have compassion, how could you share this with others?
[Barsha. Wait! Do you want to say that I don’t have compassion?!]
Yes, you heard me right. You are not going to get this by reading a bunch of books, articles, or taking courses.
You need to start actively practicing it every day.
And don’t get me wrong, there are a whole bunch of real-life scenarios when you’ll find someone seeking compassion from you.
So, you can’t say you lack people.
NO! I’m not saying about taking advantage of people. I’m showing you the process.
So, how could you do this?
- Start from yourself
Well, I was saying that “if you can’t be kind with yourself, you barely will with others.”
Easy? Hmm… I’m trying to convey that you should start being compassionate with yourself first.
Noooo… I’m certainly not saying you should demotivate yourself for doing hard work or expanding your abilities. All I want to say is “it’s okay if you can’t.”
It’s totally okay when you give your best and can’t achieve something. It’s fine to take a rest and listening to your inner thoughts. It’s totally okay to do mistakes.
We all are human beings and this happens no matter what.
And Dr. Brene Brown said, “self-compassion is key because when we’re able to be gentle with ourselves in the midst of shame, we’re more likely to reach out, connect, and experience empathy.”
When I was reading this book. I didn’t get the idea. That’s because I wasn’t practicing self-compassion.
From there, I started being okay with failures and being kind to myself. Soon or late I gained the quality of showing compassion to myself.
So. Actively, you can do two things:
- go read the book “the gifts of imperfection”
- Or start sharing compassion with yourself
- Listen Actively
The second point is kindly to listen to others. Yes, this is a common piece of advice you might have heard before. But, useless until you follow it.
So, when your dear friend, sister, daughter, brother, partner, or any other relatives try to tell you something, listen before keeping your judgment upfront!
Oftentimes, what we do, we started guessing their problems and creating our judgments on the situations without knowing or listening to their stories.
You can see the only side. So, you have to listen to them calmly and actively.
Being a good listener has its own merits. So start doing this from today…
*Blink Blink*
- Don’t give advice
And the final step is PLEASE don’t give advice.
Let me share my story. One of my friends was in mental trauma. She was seriously seeking people for support.
But, most of the time what happens, people tend to show their perspective and experience in front of them.
I did the same mistakes, too.
Later I understood. She is a different person and her story is completely different than mine. So, how could I be sharing my opinion and tips with her?
In fact, I knew deep inside that during mental trauma a person only wants his or her to get accepted with their flaws, mistakes, problems, or whatever.
And as I was giving her advice about how I get recovered from depression, that was acting toxic help for her.
However, one night I realized that I’m not trying to show compassion, I’m trying to fix her problem with my tips and advice which she doesn’t want.
Then we had very few conversations and from the next time rather than showering wisdom, I tried my best to be friendly with her.
And shared a chunk of my trauma story.
It works like a charm! Yes, that day I realized that I’m learning how to show compassion to others.
And yeah, compassion isn’t giving advice. Just say “it’s okay, everything will be fine. Just take your own time.” It’s magical, too.
Super simple… Isn’t it?
Would you learn and practice compassion the next time?
Lemme know!
